If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
