Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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