Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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