You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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