why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
