I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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