Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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