Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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