I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president