is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.