I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex