I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
