Reggie can tackle my bush.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
