How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.