You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party