But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
