God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
