True but thats because hes a fetus.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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