Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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