people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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