He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
