I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
