We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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