Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
