Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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