atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Mom said you looked used
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
