i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
