Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
