Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
