dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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