i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
