I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
