The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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