Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
