you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
