Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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