every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
