So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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