we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
