Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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