Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
