What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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