btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
