i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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