lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
