I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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