We're facebook friends in real life
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
