Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
