did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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