Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
