Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
