doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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