I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's the barista slut.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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