Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
