His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
