ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize