Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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