sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
