No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His nipple licking is glorious
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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