Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
