you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
