you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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