I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
