maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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