i just wanna soil my oats bro
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
