My hair reeks of homosexuality.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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