Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
