guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
