today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What drink are we having for lunch?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
