i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.