In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.