You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
