I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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