I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
