dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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