That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
