Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
