So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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