According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
