Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
