When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
