Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
